“OUT, DAMN’D SPOT!”
So it looks like I’ve got yet another surgery in my very near future — and this’ll be my fourth in less than a year. So far in 2009 it’s one double hernia {inguinal and umbilical}, one appendectomy, one emergency surgery a week after the appendectomy to unfuck the shit that the appendectomy fucked up, and now this.
And for those of us who are counting {like me, I’m definitely counting} it’ll be my fourth surgery this year that my putative “boyfriend” Richard has been absent for.
But who’s counting?
Anyway, I’ve been bitching for a while now that I felt as if I had something intruding into my esophagus. And of course all of my complaints have been met by much tut tutting, shaking of the head and dismissive tones from the “professional” whom I used to call doctor who said I was merely experiencing a little mild discomfort due to acid reflux.
I used to call this person doctor because about a month ago I fired his ass with extreme fucking prejudice, got me a new saw bones and demanded that he order up a scan of my throat.
And wonder of fucking wonders they found a nice big fucking growth almost 3 inches long on my thyroid that’s pressing in on my windpipe, causing me pain and an inability to draw breath and doing God know what other scary-assed, metastasizing kinda shit to my body that big fucking thyroid lumps do.
So long story short — I’ve got a pre-surgical consult on Monday and it looks like full-on throat surgery Wednesday to remove this thing and biopsy it up to see if I’ve managed to catch the same cancer that my younger brother Ken caught two years ago.
I feel bad for my brother Ken if it is cancer because no matter how hard he tries to outdo me on the Potentially Fatal Illness Competition that he and I have going he just never seems to be able to make the grade.
November 13th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Hey man,
Wishing you the best. Been enjoying your blog.
November 13th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Yikes! Good catch and well done for pushing for the scan. I hope you’ve let that shithead know what he missed by not listening to you.
Yeah, it immediately crossed my mind that this was the second major medical crisis since Richard left for China – your body is certainly playing hard to make him feel guilty for being away. Good luck for next week, Scott. We all know how brave you are, but I’m sure we’ll all be thinking of you and waiting to hear that you’ve got the all-clear.
November 13th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Anymore I have to self-diagnose and tell the doctor what I have. Often as with my sleep apnea and muscular dystrophy I had been complaining about symptoms for YEARS before I convinced a doctor to take me seriously. I live in this body 24/7! Don’t tell me I don’t know what my own body is doing! What are we paying these people for?
Good luck, Scott! All the good vibes I can muster are aimed in your direction.
November 13th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
scotty, i’m sorry to hear that. take care of yourself big guy. we’ll be thinking about you.
November 13th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
hey, scott, i wish you luck, and more– that this “thing” is easily removed and that it hasn’t metastasized. I really hope that for you.
Just so you know, i’ve got my fingers crossed for you, as well as all my other digits, my testecleez AND both penises!
November 13th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
I hope that it is not cancerous Scott only if you can handle the fact that Ken may be taking the lead in your “Potentially Fatal Illness Competition”!!!
Seriously though, I hope it is benign.
November 13th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
You poor guy! Think positive thoughts. If it’s any consolation, 95% of all thyroid growths are benign. Be well!
November 13th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
So sorry you have to go through this, Scott. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
November 13th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
I hope you get through it ok. Sure puts my crummy week in perspective.
You going to man up about it and get the surgery without anesthetic?
November 13th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
I pray that it is benign and my mom had that and as soon as it is removed you will be cured! Hooray!
Now for sure you need some at home nursing, so make sure he is cute as a button and hung like a stallion. OR ELSE! Take care you big lug!
November 13th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Sorry to hear this but happy to see you took things in hand. Doctors need to be constantly checked and threatened if necessary. They always seem to know more than you until it is too late. In your case it should not be too late, you told the fuck right on time. Good luck and best wishes.
November 13th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
I just stopped in for a peek and saw this. Good luck with all this. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
November 13th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Sending you positive thoughts and energy. Be well.
November 13th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
Good luck and all… hope this doesn’t fuck with your ability to suck dick. Cause cancer aside, that would really, um, suck.
November 13th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Yes this year has sucked. Be well Scott.
November 13th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Good luck and get well soon. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
November 13th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Good luck with the surgery and prognosis after. We’ll keep the home light burning for you.
I’ve said it since I turned 50 six years ago and now in the “silver” years prior to “golden”, God has a sense of humor, so just try to keep yours in the meantime.
All the best.
And leave the male nurses alone you hussy !
November 13th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Scott–
Sending best wishes and sincere hopes this thing is benign. I’m sure you will, but please post results as soon as you know for sure what it is. And, yes, you should inform the douche formerly known as doctor of how badly he handled your health and well-being.
November 13th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Jesus H you never do anything by halves do you big fella? All ME ME ME all the time. *Pfft* – Hugs and love mate
November 13th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Yo Scott, I live just on the other side of Lake Washington and would be happy to give you a lift to/from surgery; I’m so due for a trip to Kirkland!
November 13th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Wishing you all the best!
November 14th, 2009 at 2:48 am
Take care Scott and like Vince already said, vast majority of thyroid growths are benign so don´t worry about it too much!
November 14th, 2009 at 3:31 am
Good luck w/ your surgery, Scott! Bravo to you for listening to your own body. We here on the East coast will be sending you good vibes.
November 14th, 2009 at 7:07 am
Jeez Scott, you and Ken need to find a different form of competition!
November 14th, 2009 at 7:17 am
Getting old is for the brave, Scott. You qualify. Though surgery and treatment suck, this is a generally benign condition. With good treatment, positive thoughts, and clean living (ha!) you’ll do fine. Sending positive thoughts.
November 14th, 2009 at 8:11 am
Good luck with the surgery Scott. It is a blessing to have health insurance to deal with stuff like this, huh? Being out of work I have had all sorts of little things pop up that I can’t afford to get taken care of so I suffer….aaaahhh, the good ol’ USA, best of the best they say!
November 14th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Scott, I had half my thyroid removed a while back. The tumor was benign and I take no medication to this day. If I can answer any questions please don’t hesitate. In the meantime my thoughts are with you.
November 14th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Best wishes for the surgery.
May you have the best, hottest looking OR nurses anywhere.
May you have the best, hottest looking recovery room nurses anywhere.
May you have the best, hottest looking nurses, period.
And take their names and numbers for future ‘use’
November 14th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Good luck, Scott.
November 14th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Yes, Scott, best of luck with the surgery and we’re ALL hoping for a benign diagnosis! I’m sending much good energy your way.
November 14th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Hey Scott,
Hope everything goes well. We live here in Seattle so if you need any help let me know. My partner Andrew and I love your blog and if you need anything just let us know.
November 14th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Scott, it appears the universe is determined to fuck with you as much as possible in the shortest period of time possible. Sending good thoughts your way for another speedy recovery!
November 14th, 2009 at 11:30 am
scott,
Best of luck, as you can see from the responses to this news there are many, many of us who think a lot of you.
You will be in my prayers.
November 14th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Can tell you are going to do just fine already because of your attitude. Ain’t no man nor no disease ever going to make you a victim! And thats what you got to believe if you’re going to survive the American medical system. Kind thoughts and best wishes headed your way. Rex
November 14th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
I went through some surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from my throat area back in June, 2003. The “damages” done by the surgery I won’t enumerate, but the alternative was much worse. I tried radiation prior to the surgery, given how invasive it might be, but the tumor actually “thrived” (the doctor’s words) during that time.
I hope that your surgery does not leave the side effects mine did, but if you ever need to “talk”, do let me know.
All the best.
November 14th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Scott, wishing you the best of luck. (Funny how last night I thought to myself I wonder if Scott’s post appendectomy infection is cleared up and also, How is his dog doing?) Anyway I do thyroid needle biopsies weekly. The marked majority of them are benign, even ones that look bad on ultrasound. Thyroid “problems” both benign and otherwise do run in families but it is not a given that if your brother had thyroid cancer, yours will be the same. Are you sure the size was 3 inches? Every radiologist reports mass size in centimeters and a 3 cm mass would be much more common. And finally everything about most thyroid cancer is slow. Its slow growing, slow to metastasize. If metastatic, it’s slow to kill with 10 and 15 year survivals very common. If I can help with any questions please feel free to e-mail me and I’ll do my best to help. Good Luck, Dave
November 14th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Sorry typed my e-mail address wrong on the previous post.
November 14th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Best of luck to you.
November 14th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Dr. Dave, the first measurement of it off the CT was 56.3mm but the endocrinologist and his radiologist measured it at 68.6mm or 2.6inces so being the size queen that I am I went with the endo guy’s larger measurement.
November 14th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
I will be sending heartfelt positive vibes aimed in your direction on Wednesday.
November 14th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Scott, I just this and wish to add my good wishes for your well being to the chorus. I wish for nothing but the best and speedy post op recovery. I second the wish that you are surrounded by eye candy during your ordeal. xoxo
November 14th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Scott–All the best, stay strong.
November 14th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
I have been a reader for a while but have not commented until now.
I have a sister- in-law who had throat surgery and I have a suggestion for preparing for the recovery time. Get a digital voice recorder and record some choice phrases. You will be able to pick the phrase you want to replay by number. Unfortunatly, the volume on these things only go so high. If they can’t hear you, then you can throw it at them.
Kenner
November 15th, 2009 at 2:48 am
Holy shit, Scotty. Me and the many many thousands of your fans will all be pulling for you on Wednesday. Your tougher than this damn spot. Love you. Be strong, Buddy.
November 15th, 2009 at 3:33 am
Scott- I hope the surgery goes well and that you have a speedy recovery. I will be thinking of you. It sure has been a tough year. Sending you a big warm hug.