Hey little sister who's your Superman?


Can I just say this about that? And I mean it to be taken in the spirit of love and understanding that it’s being offered.

But to everyone out there who may be doing a diet of one sort or another. . . . and who, when ordering at a restaurant, feels the need to explain in varying degrees of detail to anyone and everyone present that you’re on a special low carb, high carb, low fat, high fat, no meat, nothing but meat, no gluten (whatever the fuck that is) diet. . . . please. PLEASE realize that none of us fucking care.

The server at the restaurant who is rolling his/her eyes at you doesn’t care.

And your friends and family, who have all heard you go through your explanation, many times already, about why you need the kitchen to leave the bun off the burger (What?!?! You can’t take it off yourself?), certainly don’t care.

Just order your damn food already and save the explanations.

Because nobody gives a shit about your diet.


  1. mark Says:

    in general I have to agree with you. I hate it when people do that by choice.

    on the flip side I have a couple of nieces and nephews that have food allergies (epii pen carrying serious) so you have to make allowances for that.

  2. Billy Says:

    Any thing beyond please hold the bun/bread is not required, and the waitstaff should have no verbal or nonverbal response beyond “no problem” or a synonym.

    Its just middle class guilt that make you think an explanation is necessary.

    But really is there nothing on the menu that comes without simple carbs, even In n Out has something.

  3. willym Says:

    I must admit I tell them to omit the bun – without explanation – simply because I can’t see the point of wasting the food. They put it on… I take it off… they take it away … it goes in the garbage. There’s enough waste as it is.

  4. I wont grow up Says:

    I could not agree more, God deliver me from vegetarians who feel it’s necessary to explain how meat is murder after you order a steak. Fuck you! Go eat a brussel sprout and leave me alone. I don’t care if you have a problem with gluten, just order something and stop telling that story about your colon turning inside out the last time you accidently swallowed a cookie crumb. Do they give you a fucking badge when you joined the food police? Just shut up and order your parsley sprig salad, the rest of us don’t care.

  5. bill Says:

    Love this post, Friggin marry me! :) So funny, frustrating, and true at the same time.

  6. Snorkel3 Says:

    Cheers! Agree 100%. BTW, can I have…. :-)

  7. Frank Says:

    I notice one glaring difference between this and your Facebook post!

  8. Daz Says:

    Here Here. No one and I mean no one cares a f**ck about your diet – EVER!!!!!!!

  9. tim Says:

    Just when you think you can’t love the guy any more …he hits another home run.

  10. Will Says:

    Indeed, Frank, and i agree with the omission.

  11. Mark, née Fuzz Says:

    And don’t tell me it’s the meat/wheat/dairy/carbs making me irritable when I tell you to fuck off after your unsolicited dietary advice.

  12. Just Stopping By Says:

    ~Its just middle class guilt that make you think an explanation is necessary.~

    Nah, it’s not so much apologizing as evangelizing. I have to really restrain myself since I found out that gluten makes me psychotic, I want to share the enlightenment! But I totally agree that food policing is fucking obnoxious.

    On the other hand, a lot of servers and/or cooks don’t seem to get that allergies are dangerous. I ordered something “without” a few weeks ago, and my plate came out covered in at least three difference “withs”. I flicked it off and all was well, but mine is not a deadly allergy. I pity the people who have those.

  13. Todd in DC Says:

    I watch calories. I order from the light menu. I don’t question the waitress except is the special deep fried/very cheese laden?

    Other than that. If you are on a diet, it’s your responsibility not to eat everything on your plate, not the waiter’s.

    If you are allergic, however, then you are not bragging about a diet, but explaining a medical condition. That is different.

  14. Jack Says:

    AMEN, Scott.

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