I'm Scott and I'm a New Yorker now living in Seattle and Bill is my oldest friend who just finished serving an almost 7 year prison sentence for selling meth.
Bill in Exile originally contained letters written between Bill and me while Bill was in prison as well as a bunch of other shit but Bill has, as of late, opted out of contributing and I've just been too lazy to change the name of the blog.
Some of what this site contains IS DEFINITELY NOT work safe and some of it may not be appropriate for those under 18 years of age. Navigate away if you have doubts. And if I've used an image for which you hold the rights and wish me to remove it or credit it please send me a POLITE email and I will be more than happy to do so.
Here’s my observation about my short residence in Texas: The people are incredibly friendly, but there’s an undercurrent of menace. We all know the stereotypical Southern charm is a veneer for distaste, but the Texan variety is covering up a number of very unpleasant, possibly fatal things.
I’m glad that your blog issues have been repaired and you are once again spreading your charm and wisdom.
I have a very good friend, who was an attorney in Seattle (which is how I found your blog) and while we were having a discussion on constitutional law told me a law school professor said to him, “This is the easiest way to remember constitutional law as stated by the Supreme Court, ‘No Texas you can’t do that, No Virginia you can’t do that.’” Which is a long way of saying I agree with you.
Here in NM we get more that our fair share of these fucking assholes who think the world revolves around them. You can smell their bullshit a mile away and it takes a long hot shower to wash their stench off. I’ve long advocated allowing Texas secede with the parting words, “Here’s you hat what’s your hurry. Good riddance, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!”
I express it in the intention of the origin of the phrase. The slogan “Don’t mess with Texas” was started by the Texas Dept of Highways (now Dept of Transportation) in the late 80′s to encourage idiot rednecks to stop littering on Texas highways and beaches. It was effective in that with amount of litter collected in highway clean-ups dropped to a quarter of their prior levels within a mater of a few years, but those same idiot rednecks have also corrupted it as a means of insulting non-Texans and making a few bucks off “Don’t mess with Texas” products (bumper stickers, coffee mugs, signs, etc). Technically it is trademarked, but it has become impossible for TxDOT to police all the prolific violations.
Just completed a road trip from LA to NYC and back. Had a little extra time, so I decided to take a detour through the OK panhandle instead of going through Texas. Very relaxed and nothing upsetting.
On the way back I did drive through that state, and I was instantly disgusted by the number of signs next to the highway telling you about all their laws. At the only gas station in McClean, TX, contrary to what the name would suggest, the restrooms were the filthiest I had seen anywhere across the entire country. It’s the only local hang out at night, so perhaps that is the reason, but at the same time that also says something about the people using them and maintaining them…
In other states locals greeted me when they saw my out of state plates, and asked me about my trip, but not in Texas. Even officials (the local fire brigade hanging out at the gas station) threw me a look like I didn’t belong there.
Indeed I don’t! But Texans don’t belong in other states either. Whenever I’m in heavy traffic in LA and I smell bad exhaust fumes, I already know there’s a car from Texas somewhere in front of me. There always is. California exhausts are just way fresher than Texas assholes…
I had to cough up the sip of coffee over this one.
Although I don’t bash everyone having been bashed, as a southerner I can say this…
What comes out of that states politics has damaged and is damaging to our way of life.
With all due respect for the good people there, I drove through the pan handle, going across country in 2007….and felt like I was in the friggin twilight zone.
And I am from La.
You know, I’m not from Texas, actually I’m from Tennessee, and I’ve made Kentucky my home for the last 20 years or so, and I enjoy a lot about your website — but the truth is you are the asshole. I cannot imagine a more self-centered piece of shit in my wildest nightmares. I have biz partners in Seattle, and the next time I’m there I’ll travel to Capital Hill to your great club so I can be close to Hell!
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Nothing good ever came out of Texas, with the possible exception of Ann Richards, and even that’s kind of iffy. I’m with loyal Seattle on this: allow the fucking twats to secede, then build a wall around the place and fill it with water. Problem solved.
Robert Hodges you get big props for being one of the very few commenters who’s insulted me AND been willing to do so while using your real name and a real email address. So congrats for that.
One question though — how does me saying that people who subscribe to the “Don’t Mess with Texas” attitude make me self-centered?
An asshole? OK, I’ll go with that.
And a Texas hater? Definitely!!! An unabashed and unapologetic Texas hater at that.
But self-centered? Ummmmmmm, Robert? I do no think that word means what you think it means.
Anyway, when you’re next in Seattle stop by the club/Hell and ask for Satan, I’ll buy you a drink or two.
Oh, and my prayers go out to you for the 20 years you’ve lived in my home state of Kentucky. For the Blue Grass State is every bit as filled to the brim with deeply inbred fuckwits as Texas — the only difference being that the average Kentuckian, while every bit as rock solid stooopid as the average Texan, doesn’t revel in his stupidity the way Texicans do and isn’t as arrogant about his Commonwealth and its place in the nation the way Texans are about their profoundly awful state.
Molly Ivins was a treasure. Gawd I miss that woman. Ann Richards, Barbara Jordan and Lady Bird too. Texas has made some great Dames. Unfortunately our track record has taken a fall for the worse. Then we have the Palinesque fuckwitted ones like the female legislator that claimed the idea of a free public education was an idea out of Russia and the pit of Hell. We are now further proof of a statement made in our 1836 Declaration of Independence from Mexico, that “it is an axiom in political science, that unless a people are educated and enlightened, it is idle to expect the continuance of civil liberty, or the capacity for self government.” Damn fucking right and the lack of education of our current crop of “leaders” (eg. Rick Perry aka “Goodhair”, John Cornyn, Greg Abbott, David Dewhurst, ect) is proof enough.
Now, Scott…Texas was a nice place to live in till the GOP took control. Ann Richards as Governor? Molly Ivins in Austin? Austin, itself? Barbara Jordan and Ladybird? LBJ for the Great Society? It’s only been in the last 18 years that the state has gone downhill…though it is becoming a VERY steep hill.
Scott, you may be onto something with your first comment. The tiniest dick I’ve ever encountered was on an acquaintance from Dallas. It was so small in fact that I wondered for a time whether he was transgender and it had been crafted from a clitoris. Of course being typically over confident and not very self-aware, he fancied himself a top.