Hey little sister who's your Superman?


As I read the first part of this article on how the supposed vicious infighting between the twink community and the bear community threatens to undermine the homosexual agenda I was convinced that it was an Onion parody.

It’s not.

It appears on the far rightesque, gay hating {but equally gay sex obsessed} christianist{ist} website Christwire.

Give it a read.

Although, I will say this — the author’s description of the gay bear is not entirely off, at least insofar as bears would LIKE to see themselves that is:

“Bears are so named because they exude that “raw, wilderness smell.” They are husky and hairy men who outfit themselves in flannels, heavy workboots and lumberjack suspenders. Unkempt facial hair is also a significant feature of this breed, with the fullness of a beard signifying the particular level of conjugal accomplishment one has achieved.”

The reality of beardom in my experience is that the “raw, wilderness smell” that permeates many of them is frequently nothing more than bad personal hygiene.

While the unkempt beard, rather than signifying any sort of real conjugal accomplishment, tends to be simply an indicator of someone too fucking lazy to adhere to any regular grooming standards.

Of course that’s not to say ALL bears have questionable hygiene and bad grooming standards, just some of them.

Because God only knows I wouldn’t want to be attacked by the bear community yet again for being overtly anti-ursine or for painting with too broad a brush, as it were.

21 Responses to “TWINKS VERSUS BEARS”

  1. Sam Says:

    Scott, you were right the first time…Christwire is to the religious right what The Onion is to mass media. Perfect example of Poe’s Law (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_law)

  2. Tim Says:

    …christwire is a christian parody site http://joemygod.blogspot.com/search/label/ChristWire

  3. Speedsausage Says:

    Oh Scott, it isn’t onion, but it is satire.

  4. Jon Says:

    I’m pretty sure Christwire is a (well made) parody site :)

  5. Scott Says:

    Before one more person feels the need to point out what Christwire is, Please note the “humor” tag in the tag line of this post people. And in the future, try to pay a little better attention to detail.

  6. slyder Says:

    Unfortunately in my town “bears” are often as you describe them–overweight, unkempt, and in general caring little for their appearance. But my kind of bear is husky or maybe a bit chunky, well-groomed, well-mannered, furry but largely unmanscaped, and well-dressed for whatever occassion. In other words, a naturally husky or chunky man who takes care of himself and hits the gym regularly, plays a sport, or works at something physical; a man who respects himself. And likes to wrap himself around skinny me when it is cold outside!

  7. Sam Says:

    hmm…I’m fairly certain that when I posted my comment the tags included “bigotry” and not “humor”

  8. Kevin Says:

    i love when you surprise us with links to pics of Oliver. Nummers!

  9. Scott Says:

    Hmmm Sam, I’m pretty sure you’re wrong. I mean, given the fact that I wrote the post and actually do know what Christwire is and all. But keep trying.

  10. Scott Says:

    Sorry Sam, your follow on comment appeared in the spam folder and I shitcanned it by mistake instead of sending it into the comment folder for approval.

    In any event, I’ll respond to your comment and tell you that you are, in fact, 100% correct. I had two versions of the post in the edit section and the first version — the one you obviously saw — got posted for about three minutes before the second auto-saved version version went up. The second version had different tags and even some different text in the body of the post in order to make it less confusing.

    Given the traffic this site got during that time I suspect you and just four or five others saw the fist version.

    So I stand corrected on my correction of you. You DO pay attention to detail.

  11. Sam Says:

    No worries Scott, just wanted to make sure I wasn’t going crazy was all :D

    I enjoy the site, by the way. Never taken the time to say that before.

  12. Ray Says:

    Their most awesome piece was when they explained about how the “bottom” advertises his need for penetration by bending over slightly and standing against the wall at the bar… I accuse my husband of “bottom posing” every weekend.

  13. brian london Says:

    “this breed” !!!! lol In England its against the law to be bear and a top.

  14. Wolf Says:

    The idea of the beard as the equivalent of notches on the bedpost is one of the most bizarre and entertaining concepts I’ve ever heard of. Would there be different metrics for bottoms vs tops? Kink vs vanilla? Given the variety of facial hair styles, the possibilities for sexual advertising are endless! Who needs hanky codes when you have beards? Why didn’t we think of this decades ago?

  15. Troy Says:

    I couldn’t think of something write until it dawned on me that it doesn’t matter what I say. The Christians this article is aimed at are sad, hateful, bigots. The sexual repression and self hatred within this group has so warped their thinking and behavior that I’m skeptical they share the same DNA as me.

  16. Mark, nee Fuzz Says:

    I am not so convinced the humor label applies here. The Onion is occasionally clever or funny. From what I’ve seen, Christwire is neither. Nor is it all that offensive. It’s just a banal bore. Like Dennis Miller. Saturday Night Live in the 90s. Yawn City.

  17. Scott Says:

    Mark, you presume {wrongly} that the humor tag was meant solely for the Christwire and not for my post.

  18. Damien Says:

    Scott – seeing as you don’t need Oliver anymore – can I have him for a while please :) ?

  19. Scott Says:

    Sure thing Damien, but be warned — being around him gets old very, very quickly.

  20. Dusty Says:

    The sexiest thing in the world is when someone says-wait, you were 100% correct.

  21. Damien Says:

    Scott – two words…………… Black Widow.

    There’s a med for EVERY occasion.

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